Deceleration in times of trouble

To those who have never experienced it, you will never understand, to those that have ...... It's like listening to the sounds of emptiness. But not an empty emptiness . More of a overflowingly full emptiness.... I am talking about the wind rushing past your earlobes at 60 mph through a winding back road through a desert canyon oasis.  You lose all senses, yet you gain all sense of everything. It blindly flys buy like a blink of an eye, yet in your head it is a never ending beat of the heart, every detail, you saw it as it flew by. Every smell, you smell. Every change in elevation and shadow cast over you changes the feeling of warmth on your skin. You can feel your  body drenched in sweat from the heat of the heart beat below you, yet the wind rushes across every sweat filled nerve ending on your body and as it wicks the moisture away you have a magical air conditioning system cooling you. Every turn of the wrist makes the beasts heart race faster, it hugs the pavement as it banks and leans and holds the edge as if it can't take anymore, yet it pushes on deeper into the curve, your slow  roll of the beasts' lifeblood purges all  from your memory, you are blind yet you see all, the roars and screams of the beast deafen your ears, yet you hear all, the heat and raging airflow pushes into your lungs, yet you feed on the ever flowing air and pick up every change in harvesting field you pass.  It is one of the most accelerating  strapped in hold on feelings you'll ever have, yet you feel as though your life has decelerated and even gone back in time. You  have decelerated everything just by accelerating  everything. It has to be one of the greatest combination of feelings in your life. You can forget all yet remember everything... Life's clock seems to tick by with the beat of your heart. And it is amazing the release you get. It's as if the minute you grab ahold of the beast it connects with you and becomes apart of you. Your arms up legs out, wind in your face at 75 mph. Tears roll from the corner of your eye. Yet you feel no emotion. You feel the ultimate in  a natural high.  The beast can set you free if you let it.....

I participated in a motorcycle ride this past weekend with my father and a coworker. We rode in support if a biker group called B.A.C.A. Bikers Against Child Abuse.  We rode 125+ miles. And had almost 60 bikers at one of the meets with another chapter. I have never experienced something of this size on my motorcycle. I have seen these rides in TV or  heard of them. But to participate in a ride is a whole other experience. When you ride in a group like that the goal is to stay together.  And we do. We post riders at any intersection to block the road till the entirety of the group passed. Those guys/gals would then race back up to get to the next intersection.... But they did so in such a smooth and elegant manner. Leap frogging the group at every crossing. Once we hit the back farm roads it was smooth sailing . We all found our zone or sweet spot on the bikes. We all went to a higher more freeing place. It was. As if all our souls were racing along with us. Every lean into a curve , every roll of the throttle. Took look forward and see a line of bikers and taillights, and yet look back and all you see is headlights lined up two by two for a mile behind you.... It's an awe inspiring thing. That is for sure...My angel kept with me, and I am eternally grateful... Never ride faster than your angel can fly, and always keep the road gremlins clear of the bike... This was an amazing experience I will always remember and never soon forget. It was an inspiring event raising awareness for something that gets so overlooked and forgotten. Child abuse whether verbal, physical, sexual , or emotional is wrong. These are the children of the future and they need a voice. these bikers are their voice, they step in where law enforcement cannot. They will be there 24/7 365 if need be... These bikers are truly inspiring and ride for an amazing cause...  Thanks to a friend and coworker  Kelly for inviting me along, and thanks to my dad mags for riding along with us. A huge thank you to my beautiful wife Brit for letting me go. I promise next time you are coming with me!


May the sun rise in front of me,
the rain fall behind
and the winds follow.
May the angels guard my travels
For they know what is ahead.
Keep me safe through rolling hills and swirling turns
Let the eagles guide me through to the mountain tops,
And the moon's light lead me through the desert night.
Let no roads be too long when your in good company
And may the rubber always stay down.

Time Traveller

Sooooo........
The magically crossroads of life..... left or right.... straight or backwards.... up or down.... Which way do you go....
Do you follow your Brain, do you follow your heart, or do you play Russian roulette and pick one of the air...So whats the choice.... Hurry life is flying by.... Make your choice.....
...>EEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(brakes slamming)
Hell no i am in control here! I control my life i can control everything in it... you just put your mind to it... its kind of intriguing, you can mentally and physically take time and change the outcome, rewind, and instead of repeating the original answer, you can change the question. I recently had made a huge change in my life, some who know me , know what it was.... But I grabbed my life and played with the remote. I didn't rewind, you could say, but I hit the repeat button.... I grabbed life and changed the outcome of the original direction...

Now I sit here talking to myself babbling on and making no sense.... but you can change your life story... you can go back in time and change the end result... You just have to know how to do it...

Three years ago I joined the IUOE, I invested a lot of time and money and hours upon hours doing training when i could have been home with my family... It was my choice because i put family on the back burner, It went well for me but what i didn't see was my family falling away from me as i pushed myself and climbed higher and higher... Earlier this year my life took a big swing and missed the 90 mph curve ball as it crossed the home plate... this went on and things crumbled underneath me as i stepped and leaped around in my head trying to decide what i wanted... I chose and I was wrong...
I made a horrible choice and it cut me off at the knees...
I have always worked my butt off to be the best at what i am, the best at what i do... I have always exceeded and set new benchmarks and goals for myself... I strive to do the best i can...
and 90% of the time, I have made it happen... but the most important things in life aren't what you do, it is who you are. The man you are inside when it is all said and done... as for myself....
I am a father, I am a Husband, A brother, a Son and a friend.... I wish I could say I have always put these first but I haven't,  I have always said I have no regrets that I cant regret, because then i don't learn from things....
I am seeing a lot of new things lately, I want to say I strive to be the best, but that includes my family... I want to say that I am the best, I am the best dad my son can have, the best husband around... that I take care of my family and put as much effort into them as I do my career...
And I will be able to say that... I have applied at a local company in the Boise area, Working on Locomotives, I will be able to come home every night, I can say i love you to my sons face every night...To be able to lay next to my gorgeous wife every night......... I make the decision... i am choosing to take a new direction and go with it for a while....  maybe this job will be an outcome i want for a while, but maybe it wont last, I will always keep an ace in my pocket, but for now I play the low hand, the hand that isnt all that i would like, but it is the hand that will get me through and it is what i need to play right now.... Thankyou to a few very helpful individuals, and to a very select few older coworkers that give assistance and advice to help a young person who is about to make the same mistakes they did years and years ago.... I owe you....
So for now I am taking a withdrawal from the IUOE apprenticeship program, I will be back, when it is the right time...Now I start with a fresh step, a Redeal you could call it....

I don't expect pity or shock as you read this... but this me being real with myself... finding the man i am inside this body. I am not writing this post to you readers or to anyone... I am writing this to myself, so that if I get this out of my head, I can rewind and change time, so to speak before i lose more time... I put this out there for me as a release to my conscience, and my soul...

When the heart, the soul, and the body are at war, walls collapse, feelings disappear, like the snow melting away on a crisp cool spring morning. your days grow long from the miles your mind races, your body aches from being torn in two. You try to feel, if anything at all, like your whole world is new, and your unsure of where to begin. A flower grows, it literally crawls life out of a dark cold hole. It yearns to feel the warmth on its body as it reaches higher for new life. As it grows it stands Tall...Proud....through the rain, the storms, the days upon days in the heat and weather....Yet that flower still blossoms.... but all flowers die off, whither away, to be born again, into a new life.... when your soul is at war with your heart, it as if you can feel everything, and still nothing at all... you are lost, somedays all you yearn for is to be found... yet still others you wish to be lost, left alone... because it is easier to cope with these feelings by locking them away than face the true demons in yourself... the true demons are what makes a human a human, the flaws...it gives us our souls, our smiles, our love.....yet we lean to pushing them away....sometimes you can love something and life continues on, things change, you can let go but never forget.... your life is short, it is the one thing in this world that is for sure, when it comes, it was never enough, yet it was always set in stone.... care about the ones you love and the ones you have loved, embrace while you still can.... never have regrets, everything happens for a reason and whatever it may be is what got you to where you are today, made you who you are... everything in my life has got me to where I am today... no regrets, sure i look back and wish i could change alot.... but hindsight is always 20/20.... doesnt change..... when your torn apart, at war in your soul or in your heart... always remember.....you make your life what it is.....no one else but you....

-matt 26feb2013

Bliss

Where to Start...
As the End of the day grows nearer, I sit in peace in my home away from home. As of right now I am working in Southern Idaho near a town called Bliss.... Now not to Judge a town.... But the actually city seems far from Bliss.... However as I drive into work down and back out the Malad River Gorge, The views are amazing. Having come across this beautiful, fertile little oasis after coming across the desert just amazes me. It is such a change of pace and scenery. Makes you realize some times in life you need to slow down and open your eyes to see the real beauty of it all. Driving through you catch all the rock formations carved out by the river over millions of years, as you carve through the canyon next to the river, the tiny water falls dropping hundreds of feet out from the desert floor above. The best part of the day is coming up onto the high mesa where I work on the other side, to crest the top and watch the sunlight play peekaboo through the clouds as it rises up from the ashes of yesterday. Yesterday is gone and today has arrived, yet tomorrow will soon be gone...... I have come to realize why they call this Oasis in the canyon Bliss, ID

Dreams List

dreamers dream, that is what they do...
so here are the true dreams of this dreamer


no certain order just numbered

1.Visit Australia
2.Visit Scotland
3.Visit the 4 corners of the USA
4.See the sunrise on the eastern most place in the US (lower 48)
5.see the sunset on the western most part in the US (lower 48)
6.Watch My son grow into a man
7.Go offshore fishing
8.Ride a motorcycle through all 50 states
9.Take my wife on a trip somewhere she has always wanted to go
10.Go on a Fishing trip with my father
11.Buy some land (approx 40-50 acres would be enough but not specifically that amount)
12.Build a house on said land in prior statement
13.Go bow hunting for antelope
14.Get my NCCCO certification for operating cranes
15.Draw something and put it in a exhibit or show
16.Climb a mountain and feel on top of the world for a second
17.Find out my familys true heritage and where we come from.... my dad will probably find it first though :)
18.Teach my son the importance of hard work and what it means to do what you love and love what you do.
19.Go sailing for a month or so
20.Skydive
21.Basejump
22.Do either 20 or 21 in a wing(squirrel) suit
23.Get a pilots license
24.Fly a Helicopter
25.Rebuild a Car or motorcycle
26.Visit Alaska...the real alaska in the backcountry
27.Reconnect with a lost brother
28.Teach my wife how to shoot
29.Take my son on a hunting trip
30.Retire
31.............more to come...........

Life... its so short that you could literally think of it as a blink of an eye, it goes by so fast, we grow and get old, friends come and go, some stay forever and you never see them or talk as often as you want, yet we know in our hearts who they truly are... don't take life for granted, do what you can while you can, if you can dream it you can surely do it.... i have dreams, and i wont let them slide away... I hope if i can teach my son one thing it will be to believe in himself and never let anyone tell him he cant do something he wants too....
so heres to ME and my family and friends

- My bucket list
<<<<<SOON TO COME>>>>>

Tranquility

As I sit here, I ponder the meaning of life, the strength and power of mother natures inferno... yet she has a softer more delicate side, the tranquility as I listen to the winds outside my door, howling like a wolf  at the moon. Like a pack of creatures calling to one another with a different song. Different octaves, for each gust, like whales in the sea, singing a song. So loud, so full of anger, other times, she is peaceful and soft. The snowflakes coming down in a swirling collision with earth, yet if you look closer and open your eyes to the serenity of it all,  they fall like tiny dancers. Each one with a different soul, no two the same. They twirl and twist, jump and dive. Each one to its own rhythm, each one has its own song, yet all of them intertwined into a fantastic ballet. Sometimes you have to really sit and think to see they beauty in things, other times like today, it comes natural in a calm steady peace. Makes you wonder how something so full of  creating destruction, can be so dramatic, and amazing. so full of inspiring awe , So.... Beautiful...